Jessica Lowndes hella looks like Joaquin Phoenix. I’m not sure that’s a compliment for anyone involved.

Yeah but her face. She is a plastic surgery victim through and through.

Was the pun intended? If so, A+!

Indeed he was! I love him, he can do no wrong in my eyes. He was my first crush. Ted was a hottie.

Indeed he was! I love him, he can do no wrong in my eyes. He was my first crush. Ted was a hottie.

Tee-hee. He isn’t an architect, but he’s damn fine and did PLAY an architect in The Lake House (one of my favorite romantic movies of all time).

Oh ok, I must’ve misread. Thanks for clearing that up. :-)

Oh okay. Makes sense. Just FYI I wasn’t trying to imply you were stupid or naive; I was just genuinely curious.

I always imagined I’d be married to Keanu Reeves, but so far no such luck. Also I hear he’s dating a transwoman.

Is this from The Lawnmower man?

Thanks for the advice, because I’m totally the type of person who would live on sausage given the opportunity.

You don’t know how to make yourself throw up?

WTF do you guys have Medi-Cal or something? Those medical professionals handled your emergency fucking horribly!

Your brother’s friends are garbage.

You recommend speed? How would crystal meth aid in the planning/execution of nuptuals? I suppose it would provide one with an excess of energy that could be considered helpful...

Starred for “big Kardashian”.

On fleek, turnt woke bae! Totes adorbs, twerk!

Moi aussi, ma cherie, moi aussi.

Ew. He’s a known woman-beater.

Quick, somebody post a misandry .gif!