They never took a doggie bag home and they never touched Golem Jesus’s meal.

Prayer, when you won’t help, but don’t want to look bad.

I will not judge someone for how they heal what others broke. She's not hurting anyone. I wish her well.

Who needs some? I have plenty.

Her attorney, Jonathan D Christman, wrote that forcing her to issue licenses is akin to forcing a person who objects to war into the battlefield, or forcing a person against capital punishment to carry out an execution.

How about The Blair Witch? I’d find the ring tied up in a little satchel outside my tent and film a selfie where I cry and whisper “I am...so...happy”

LAST TIME I EMBRACED MYSELF ON THE DANCE FLOOR I WAS ARRESTED.

*their. Should have gone to college.

it’s a little ironic that on an article about poehler making a statement about misogyny and women not being taken seriously in sports, that you are commenting on her hair color.

And I invite you to educate yourself concerning the fact that plural marriage did not end with the Manifesto in 1890, like the article you linked to claims. So no, it did not end over 125 years ago.

Ultimate WWDTM panel: Paula P, Mo Rocca, and Brian Babylon. I AM WAITING FOR THE DAY THEY APPEAR TOGETHER!

Nah. I get the point she’s trying to get across. A weed brain and an ice cream cone (what the actual fuck??) isn’t tacky according to Dan, but he gets to decide her daughter’s name on her neck is. Right. Got it.

You had me at “former Mormon”.

Louis CK is an asshole. I called it the moment I saw the first youtube clip of his standup, years ago.

JFC ITS JUST NOT FAIR

I WANT SO BADLY TO UNDERSTAND YOUR JOKES TODAY

SUDDENLY I HAVE A VERY REAL INTEREST IN BASKETBALL

Almond milk is AMAZING — at least on cereal, which is the only time I ever use milk unless I’m baking. However, you do have to get the original/unsweetened/non-vanilla kind. Because sweetened vanilla milk is not milk, it’s goddamn melted ice cream and also disgusting.

Jadine said it was because she did not put a moisturizer with sunscreen on before the foundation, which was the number one reason makeup can feel heavy.