Please don't take this the wrong way, but ... did you have a high opinion of Hugh Hefner before this?

Well, I'm going to go take one of the thousand showers I'll need to forget this image.

Except for you. I'm sure your behavior is exemplary in every way.

this is a very together face you look like you should be in charge of many things

I've been there, done that. I eventually walked away from ministry. It's only recently that i've even considered looking for a new church. I miss the community, but...

WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME SUCH A GOOD WAY TO WASTE TIME?!

My birthday is exactly a week before Christmas, and as such, is almost always the day that my office chooses to have their holiday party. This has happened several times over the years with various jobs, and it is generally uncomfortable and has occasionally gotten weird.

The most memorable, however, was several…

chill out, bob

Jesus fuck, no kidding. They'd have delivered the baby safely, then taken over the galley to make a nourishing pot of stew that would be tasty and sit well in Mom's sensitive tummy. THEN, they would have swaddled the shit out of that little bambino and tucked her right up to mom, providing gentle guidance and…

This is Texas. Federal laws are for other states.

My siblings and I have ALL had this complaint about my youngest brother who was born super early as well. I believe the usual phrasing was "just because he looked like an unhatched chicken at birth does not mean he doesn't have to do dishes."

Sports bras are such a pain in the ass because you never know if they're going to actually work or not, and on top of it all, you can spend $50-$60 on something you end up not liking. My go-to favorite is Nike's Pro sports bra, which has the added bonus of only costing about $25. It holds up through high impact stuff…

Ooo, lo mein sounds good. Later I'm going to make some more risotto before my fontina and asiago get manky.

The Birbigs did it good this time.

Haha, you're friend is kind of awesome. I did that to my brother once, sent him a birthday card full of glitter. He called me after he opened it and just said "You Bitch" before hanging up. I cackled for hours and hours after that. Just thinking about it makes me smile.

My best friend knows I hate glitter (I try to avoid vacuuming wherever possible), so she deliberately puts an entire tube in every card she sends me. She's even started disguising her handwriting on the envelope, so I can't take preventative measures like opening it over the bin.

Yes the poor, poor Greek system. Fraternities are the real victims here.

Sometimes you just have to spend some time in your batsuit in order to cope.

Jezzies - Nerdy feminists or BEST nerdy feminists?

Forced sex porn baffles me as a man. If you're engaging in sexual fantasies, a place where literally anything can happen, why do the women in your sex fantasies still not want to have sex with you? It's so fucking creepy.