I hate that part of my life has become trying to get inside the head of Donald Trump and figure out how he’s going to spin this. He knows he’s going to be acquitted in the Senate and he’ll treat that as vindication, but I think he’s also going to try to wear the impeachment in the House as a badge of courage: “If the…

The longer it goes on, the more he looks like a fighter and the Democrats look desperate. And if/when it results in his acquittal, if it took a long time to get there it’s going to come off as a waste of time and his base will just cheer him even louder for his endurance. If it’s over quick, then at least the…

Freedom fries, freedom toast, freedom vanilla ice cream, freedom bread pizza, Freedom’s mustard, the freedom horn, freedom kissing . . . it’s all better because of FREEDOM! YA!

In my house, we talk about Santa like he’s a superpowered Amazon delivery guy. Just like we place orders with Amazon, we send our orders for presents to the North Pole, where Mrs. Santa is a COO running production and Santa handles distribution. The magic is in how he can deliver everything in one night. Although,…

This is the great conundrum of my life: I always have and always will live by the ocean. I own scuba equipment and have been wanting to learn diving for decades. But I grew up with a chlorinated, heated pool, and the thought of being in ocean water always grosses me out. I do it, because Maine beaches etc. But then I…

Having grown up in the former Salem Village (now Danvers), I’ve long been fascinated by how complex the Trials actually were. Mass media depictions like to focus on the religious hysteria angle, and that was definitely part of it, but there were so many more layers all going on at once. There was the conflict between…

You do not need to say “assless” chaps. All chaps are assless.

I thought it was 50/50 “Lists of Things from My Childhood” and “Lists of Things I Just Heard About but That You’ve Know for Years but I Don’t Think You Know Because I’m 24.”

Legislators can’t even be bothered to show up in the House/Senate except to cast a vote. All those “rousing speeches” and “inspiring filibusters” are given to giant empty rooms. There’s an aid or a page somewhere off-site half-watching a video feed, they scribble some minimal notes on what the speech was about, that…

Much like Superman: The Movie, the Salem Witch Trials boil down to a real estate scam. Sure, it started with a bunch of girls who stumbled upon a way to have some agency in an oppressive society, but that just provided an opportunity for a wealthy landowner and his judge brother to force people off their land and…

Sharks or no sharks, the ocean is the world’s toilet. Pass.

I’m assuming you were an Education major(?). The training I got was for graduates in the Writing program to teach Comp 101 courses and not much else. I don’t know what kind of training the actual teachers got. The left hand didn’t seem to know what the right was doing.

I’d compare it to when I was a judge at the Kansas City Royal Open BBQ Competition. There were so many competitors (because it was an Open, as opposed to the Invitational segment) that they needed a legion of judges to eat. So you just send them an email to see if there’s an open slot, then day of the competition you…

That’s not at all what I’m suggesting, but YDY.

Sometimes it’s good to read the second paragraph.

This may be fairly common knowledge nowadays, but getting a book published has almost next to nothing to do with your ability as a writer. Because, as I witnessed firsthand many times when I worked in publishing, your manuscript can be a complete unreadable mess—it will just be rewritten by your editor. Your value is…

The first college I taught at (where I attended grad school), made you take a one-semester “How to Be a Teacher” (not what they called it) course. It was a mix of hearing words like “pedagogy” and “curriculum” and writing sample assignments. But mostly it was a support group for grad students who were all concurrently…

Free idea for Netflix: A six-episode scripted series about Christmas . . . something . . . that releases a new season every Christmas Eve. Sure, they’re churning out enough Christmas movies to more than fill wrapping time, but there’s just a different vibe to binge-watching a series that I think would pair well with…

I can already see the commercial with cows squeaking instead of mooing. 

It’s like they told us in motorcycle training: “Locks only keep honest people honest.”