I hate that part of my life has become trying to get inside the head of Donald Trump and figure out how he’s going to spin this. He knows he’s going to be acquitted in the Senate and he’ll treat that as vindication, but I think he’s also going to try to wear the impeachment in the House as a badge of courage: “If the…

The longer it goes on, the more he looks like a fighter and the Democrats look desperate. And if/when it results in his acquittal, if it took a long time to get there it’s going to come off as a waste of time and his base will just cheer him even louder for his endurance. If it’s over quick, then at least the…

I just hope that when they finally do have AN LGBTQ character in Star Wars, Disney behaves like WWE did last year when they let women headline WrestleMania for the first time in the 35-year history of the event, because WWE could not suck its own dick hard enough in self-congratulation, and it’s always nice to see…

I watched it on mute and assumed the music was Magnum PI, as so many of these things often are. I also imagined Airwolf, as the sci-fi and deserts aesthetic is a bit more post-1984.

Yeah, I know, but the joke doesn’t work as well if you ignore the crossover that resulted in the top-to-bottom reboot and renumbering of an entire line of comics.

And needs to be basic enough to translate to foreign markets if it’s going to have any chance at recouping its budget.

Bret Easton Ellis (who is often wrong, but sometimes has a good idea) has this theory that movies are primarily a contained aesthetic experience that you as the viewer give yourself over to, while the serialized nature and time/budgetary restrictions of television make it more about information delivery in order to…

If it doesn’t work, we’ll just get Zero Hour in a few years. And if that doesn’t work, then Infinite Crisis. And if that doesn’t work, then Flashpoint. But if all else fails, then Rebirth. Unless we need Generation Five. Can I interest you in some Hypertime? How about a Convergence?

I can’t just like two things! They must always compete for an arbitrary and subjective supremacy! Everything must be quantified and ranked! Otherwise, how do I know how much value it has?! And, remember, Second Place is just a First Place Loser!!!!

From a marketing perspective, they know they’re going to hit a plateau of viewer interest that no new casting announcements short of Christian Bale or Jack Nicholson are going to change. To sustain interest leading into the actual shows, they need their follow-up messaging to be “And more surprises yet to come!” so…

Freedom fries, freedom toast, freedom vanilla ice cream, freedom bread pizza, Freedom’s mustard, the freedom horn, freedom kissing . . . it’s all better because of FREEDOM! YA!

In my house, we talk about Santa like he’s a superpowered Amazon delivery guy. Just like we place orders with Amazon, we send our orders for presents to the North Pole, where Mrs. Santa is a COO running production and Santa handles distribution. The magic is in how he can deliver everything in one night. Although,…

Since he had her built in 1998, that means she’s running on a series of Zip disks. Actually kind of impressive what they manage to get her to do on just 95.4 MB of data.

Donald’s childhood in his own words:

This is the great conundrum of my life: I always have and always will live by the ocean. I own scuba equipment and have been wanting to learn diving for decades. But I grew up with a chlorinated, heated pool, and the thought of being in ocean water always grosses me out. I do it, because Maine beaches etc. But then I…

Having grown up in the former Salem Village (now Danvers), I’ve long been fascinated by how complex the Trials actually were. Mass media depictions like to focus on the religious hysteria angle, and that was definitely part of it, but there were so many more layers all going on at once. There was the conflict between…

You do not need to say “assless” chaps. All chaps are assless.

I thought it was 50/50 “Lists of Things from My Childhood” and “Lists of Things I Just Heard About but That You’ve Know for Years but I Don’t Think You Know Because I’m 24.”

Legislators can’t even be bothered to show up in the House/Senate except to cast a vote. All those “rousing speeches” and “inspiring filibusters” are given to giant empty rooms. There’s an aid or a page somewhere off-site half-watching a video feed, they scribble some minimal notes on what the speech was about, that…

Much like Superman: The Movie, the Salem Witch Trials boil down to a real estate scam. Sure, it started with a bunch of girls who stumbled upon a way to have some agency in an oppressive society, but that just provided an opportunity for a wealthy landowner and his judge brother to force people off their land and…