For October, the NRA also suggests we defend ourselves and shoot off our own boobs.

The thing that always frustrates me is these guys are always saying “NO ONE” will date them when they usually mean “No one who’s 5’5” with 38-28-36 measurements and a Maxim spread who likes to watch anime with me and make me sandwiches.” Granted, this particular guy had deeper issues, but as a formerly lonely nerdy…

I have a cross stitch sign in my bathroom that says “Please don’t do coke in the bathroom.”

A baby fuckin’ wheel.

I’m in love. “We gotta call the aquarium or something.”

“That is still good meat on that fuckin’ fish kid!” After 5 minutes of going through the stages of horror, wonder, amnesia, horror, wonder, amazement and finally hunger.

And for this lady, her chiropractor is an example of a “real” “Doctor” she “trusts,” so you know she's loopy.

God I fucking hate when men say this. It seems to be a trope of sorts. The reformed man about town has a daughter and suddenly realizes GASP women are human beings.

Things our mothers and sisters had to hear.

I think you need to calm down and be a little less hysterical and over-emotional. Just relax.

Hahahaha you are so mad.

I’m in my 30s in if some guy I like starts his “looking for” age range too low, he immediately goes to the hidden profile pile. I have this idea that they’re into manipulating people or treating their partners like infants and that’s fucking creepy.

Awww. Backward ball cap wearing old guys..... just stop.

+1 Talking is so overrated.

so there is this

Yep, my thoughts exactly. It’s douche vs douche. Ever read Carney’s ex-wife’s piece about their relationship? It’s a good piece, especially if you’re a record nerd who has ever had a relationship benchmarked by albums.

Hang on let me get some gelato first

BURN ITALY TO THE GROUND.

Just for clarity for people who don’t follow tennis: What Serena is trying to do is win the four major championships (Australian, French, Wimbledon and US Opens) in a calendar year. The “Serena slam” title is because she’s won all four in a row but over two calendar years. She’s won all the major titles many times…

Blasphemy!