Monday's Notre Dame football practice will be held on a scissor lift.

A lesser man would have started substituting in pictures of abacuses.

I think that all the coaches in the NFL should collude and agree to have the kicking team get called offsides on each kickoff.

Is it sad that Clay Matthews' hair is better than the sideline reporter's?

Let's be honest: You two would start off knife fighting, but everyone knows it would end up with you both burying your respective swords.

I think Nate has the facts to back that up.

I would have agreed with you if the mention of Brett Favre had hearts and flowers hand-drawn around it.

[twitter.com]

"...but we haven't seen any hard evidence of that just yet."

Can I just say that every time I see one of these articles, I smile like a moron?

Did anyone else see the article about Tiki Barber's agent being "flabbergasted" that no NFL teams wanted to give him a chance to even play on their practice teams? It couldn't happen to a nicer adulterous piece of locker room cancer.

Why is Notre Dame losing so satisfying?

I take direct responsibility for this by questioning Notre Dame's #16 ranking earlier. I should have known the good Lord liked inflated legacy rankings after the whole John Paul II beatification.

I didn't know Michele was into pegging.

"It was so tight," he said, "that I had to be conservative and run a more technical race."

Why do college kickers always look like they're wandering around, desperately searching for validation and attention after they make a field goal? If college kickers had breasts they would be strippers.

How can they be ranked #16? Does everyone have selective amnesia blocking out the last couple decades?

Who is Beth Mowins and why is she so horrible?

That was a hell of a fake FG