@IronMikeGallego: If we're considering fictional presidents, I'm taking Terry Crews from Idiocracy

@All Over But The Sharting: That said, Teddy Roosevelt was a badass and he's my clear favorite to win.

@All Over But The Sharting: All I know is Franklin Roosevelt would clean up in a Roller Derby Battle Royale.

@Eddie Murray Sparkles: I made sure I didn't touch either of them at all during the process, but they seemed scared out of their minds. I'm not a huge guy, but I apparently look like a wrestler, so I guess there was an underlying implied threat.

DUAN Old Man and His Lawn question:

@ursa: e) Brush up on homonyms

Better than the "Cake Made Out of Balls" trick that all the Boise State freshmen are subjected to. The path to the Maaco bowl is paved with rocky mountain oysters.

Whenever there is a big signing like this, the post-signing discussion always inevitably ends up involving the player's wife somehow.

25% historical (Wild West) Texas and 75% today's Texas

@Trot Nixons Hat: This whole survey reads like someone loosely edited a standard form from a marketing class textbook. Someone in their advertising department thought they could just skip the normal marketing masturbation where they trick people into filing themselves into easily dissected demographics

@Blast it, Biggs: +1 Alien Ethos

Has anyone checked on Madden recently? I really don't know how he'll handle this

Might want to update that to [twitter.com]

This is a really shitty way for the Obama administration to announce cuts in corn subsidies as budget balancing measures.

Something's Going Down At Iowa

@Eddie Murray Sparkles: The more bloodshed, the better. I don't really care who comes out on "top". Simmons seems like a whiny, bleeding vagina and Pierce comes off as a pompous blowhard. If this ends up eradicating the entire Boston area sportswriting industry I will consider it a moral victory for integrity,…

@FEAST: Woody Paige trolls Jezebel hitting on emotionally damaged women.

@WhatWouldTebowDo?: Sweep the leg, Johnny. Call him out on Page 2. Take this shit nuclear.

@The_Night_Man_Cometh: +1 Edmund Exley

@Bosoxfan3: Ohio State is always fucking up national prestige for the rest of the Big Ten.