The only way any of the coordinators at Penn State have been able to get Joe Pa to update his offensive schemes is to trick him into thinking it was the latest rage in the Ottoman Empire Leagues

@Its_Jetertastic: You put some librarian glasses and a rack on him and I'd consider it.

DUAN Questions and Confessionals:

@gulag: I always thought he more more "Sloth from Goonies"

@RallyWalleye: Gay-for-pay is still gay. It's acceptable for women to be gay for attention, it's in the social contract.

@Landycakeboss: For example:

@Landycakeboss: If you're not following NotGaryBusey on Twitter, I suggest you do so.

Is anyone else watching Family Guy?

@titansfan78: I fully support everything Steven Colbert does, including feuding with unrecognizable sports figured.

38-17 Eagles. The 17 for the Cowboys will be scored right before Dez Bryant is smashed into a million pieces.

@lauren_jo: My virgin ears!!!

@Always Winning: And On The 8th Day, God Created Madison Avenue

@Same Sad Echo: What do you MEAN our 62-foot idol was struck down by an act of God? Fuck it, we're going to rebuild it.

That was nice of that church to, instead of spending the money on the needy, spend however many thousands of dollars on a pageant that included a live camel. Truly living the teachings of the Good Book indeed.

@lauren_jo: So I did check out your website. What does the "hmfic" stand for? I'm going to guess the first two are "Her Majesty"

@Body By Bacardi: I wasn't aware "Darkie Soap" was made out of deer blood

@lauren_jo: You just be the sexiest UA fan living in LA you can be and I'll be happy

@lauren_jo: Well, there goes my Harold and Maude fantasy you had built up nicely. I guess we'll make do, however.

@lauren_jo: How close are we talking? I'm 26. Are we talking like Mississippi-age-motherhood, or civilized world-age motherhood?

@lauren_jo: I've graduated, don't worry.