Used to be it just turned you into a werewolf.

[Cue Bill Hicks' genocide bit]

Like, you know, whatever.

Leaving the gun and taking the canoli.

It's something this magazine will never have, EVER.

The Trinity is yet another example of Platonic Mysticism making things unnecessarily complicated.

One of the greatest things about Judaism is that it doesn't proselytize.
Trying to convert is like trying to get in to an Ivy League school.

Come on. You're a teacher, too. I'll bet you've met a few.

Not after season seven.

The bits where God got religion.

And not still having his Hitler Youth dagger.

Never attend an institution of higher learning that has the words Clown, Beauty or Bible in the name.

This month's Cover Boy.

Even bigger assholes the second time around.

Nobody has ever managed to flip to the odd problem answers at the back of the book on that one.
"It's a great act, but I can only do it ONCE."

I'm not a god. Don't worship me.
[believers immediately start building temples and carving statues]

Soldiers of an imperial army would nail him to a piece of wood for suggesting it. Again.

Or up their own assholes. Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

That's just court room talk.

If you use the thicker, sandwich style pepperoni instead of the cheaper skinny pepperoni it doesn't curl up into a grease bowl. I love a Sicilian pie if they don't fuck up and make the dough too heavy. The crust is supposed to be thick, but soft and yielding.