I'll provide team coverage from inside Mildred Baena.

If by "young wife" you mean "Balki Bartokomous in a hoodie," then yes.

When will Obama release the long-form death certificate?

It reminds me of that time I was working for that anonymous company...seems like only August of last year. They asked me to enhance the Blackberry client to track SMS messages; the software already tracked everything else. I specifically told the sales weasels to inform any potential clients that our software logs…

You leave Jessica Biel alone!!

When I was your age, we called it "Winger" and we liked it.

...and that's when I became a vaginal popularity analyst.

I deem thee "Pigeon Forge: Scent of a Redneck Woman." Available at fine department stores such as Nordstrom and Bass Pro Shops.

@Milkshaker: She's like that fusion cuisine I've heard so much about, but with an attitude.

@Dürer's Rhino: I thought it meant "not killing the hooker daughter that I've been having an affair with."

This new era of vaginal terrorism requires a new type of cop. I don't know what the cops may need, but I'm sure as hell that it starts with me.

@OliversArmy: which means the new owner could harvest DNA from Angelina's ass residue, and in five years we'd be taking the kids to Anjassic Park.

Authorities were shocked to discover two tons of counterfeit Boar's Head meat in Brad's basement. No word yet on motive.

You'll put your eye out!

He's no Thomas Kinkade.

Bear Bill O'Reilly Wants to Eat Kate Gosselin.

If I could see more of her, they'd be heroes.

You reject Ashlee Simpson and this is what you end up with!