@miakoda30: "Brad, you won! Now just hold still."

Gawker should hold a contest for the best TSA grope story over the Thanksgiving holidays, and give me the prize for thinking of the idea.

Travel tip: Choose the gate marked "No Wait for Prostate."

You're going to need a bigger browser.

She's looking Alabama, and feeling Minnesota.

102? That's one large closet.

I think this is the plot to Die Hard 5, starring Ian Ziering as the gay steward John McClane.

Why is Angelina turning Shiloh into Jon Voight?

Is that Nigel Tufnel on drums?

@PhillyLass: Look at it this way: I'm familiar with where my penis has been; the handles on the faucet - not so much.

@Andrew Steven Midthune: I was high. What I meant to say was "Guaranteed to make even the cheapest amp sound like a Peavey."

@brkmrtn002: They do, and by lowering the line voltage supplied to them, you'll get an even better (IMHO) sound, particularly when using tubes in your power amp section. The variac will work with a transistor amp, but I'd call the sound more odd than good. Still, without a hit song, I suppose it's a moot point. I…

If you're interested in the Van Halen "brown sound," but can't get it from your inexpensive amp, plug your amp into a variac ($60 retail, $20 on Ebay), and dial the voltage anywhere from 90 - 100 volts. Guaranteed to make even the cheapest amp sound like a Marshall.

The "lady" in the middle has a bionic eye, and the "lady" on the right has tiger stripes on her right breast and a tattooed dollar sign on her left breast. Are these the whore mutants I've heard so much about, and should I be afraid or aroused?

When did Brad Pitt become William H. Macy? #angelinalesbian

When I was your age, we called it "Chandler," and we liked it.

@heywhat: Actually, I live in Roswell, where we keep it strictly genteel. I was just pretending to be an ITP hipster.

@formergr: OTP = Outside the Perimeter (of Atlanta). All the hipsters live within the perimeter (ITP), uppity white folks surround the area outside the perimeter, and as you drive further away, that's where the racists make their base camps.