How is it possible for a comment to be this perfect?

I refuse to take this movie off of my top five Cohen brothers list, and nobody can make me. 

Now he’ll sign with the goddamn Patriots and we all won’t be laughing anymore.

Well most accounts I’ve heard say that Rice has made a genuine effort to improve himself as a human being.  Thats probably what tripped him up

Bingo.

If conversion therapy is so effective, why do the Saints carry a punter on their roster?

Geaux Fuck Yourself

Here is every conservative joke in existence, circa 2014:

They should blame the real culprit responsible for taking far too many innocent lives: puke.

I get the parent’s grief. But blaming some locker room attendant for running out to score him some drugs and not Skagg’s himself is some next level denial. His death is indeed tragic and I wish he got some help, but it was his decision to make this fatal mistake. Jamming up some underling is bullshit.

Roxanne! You don’t have to put on that red hat.

The Major sport that’s hardest on your body, is far and away the worst for your brain (and long term risks), but pays far and away the least and guarantees nothing in contracts (and has a history of fucking over it’s retirees) is having a problem with players walking away from the game.

And let me add, I hate when people say don’t speak ill of the dead. If someone was a piece of shit their whole life, then you are allowed to say it when they are dead too. 

Get fucked.

Get fucked.

cancelled

Head-scratching Homer?

Yeah? Well, the jerked store called; they're running out of you! 

“There’s no meaningful distinction between that and what Jay-Z has done with the NFL”