“I can stop and feed my horse anywhere... The lack of benzogazspermwhaleoil availability on my throughpikes will be the death of these new fangled automotorcars. I mean, who sees a future where American business puts these everywhere they are needed?”

“Any vehicle that doesn’t meet my exact specific needs is useless, I tell you, regardless of its utility to other consumers or it’s decreased environmental footprint. USELESS!”

So my question on this is, is it, “I never had my butt fingered” like denying specific activities out of a long list that happened at your local Kraftian rub ‘n tug to your girlfriend, or is it more of a, “I’ve never had my butt fingered” like lamented lost and unleveraged opportunities of your youth...? WHAT WENT…

Sure, you get the racists, the homophobes, the casual and formal misogyny...  This is what we come for.  But we *stay* for the weird ass Lovecraftian rants...  Thats the gold standard, with extra points for writing the whole summoning spell in the subject line.

DURING THE RECTIFICATION OF THE VULDRINI, THE TRAVELER CAME AS A LARGE AND MOVING TORG! THEN, DURING THE THIRD RECONCILIATION OF THE LAST OF THE MCKETRICK SUPPLICANTS THERE WAS A GREAT RENDING OF THE FLESH AND LO IT WAS MADE CLEAR FROM THE SHORE OF THE SEA OF SORROW, THIS IS NOT A FUCKING ARBY’S, THIS IS A FUCKING WEND…

Yeah, I totally feel that the intentional infliction of physical pain on a vulnerable population will only lead to positive results...

I’m the Boy Emperor and I approve this message.

Dammit, now I’m a horrible person.  Again.

Starting a game of “Count How Many Missed the Satire” for this thread... Get your numbers in early folks to get the good ones.

What hurricane...?  There was one...?

The only non-troll answer is the Acadia, and he literally said he had no use for an SUV.

Taxing the consumer directly will be California’s easy way out should they lose the legal battle also. They could still set registration fees for example based on fuel or emissions of a car like in Europe - effectively as one of the biggest car markets dictating the standard anyways. So for car manufacturers it makes…

Is there a “Headline of the Day” award?  Because HOTD.

not a bad girlfriend for my early 20s... just, you know... crime...

This is the photo from those “6 Signs You’re About to Drop Dead from a Heart Attack” ads...

Love your articles, man.  Thanks for writing.

Sir, this is a Wendy’s.

Come on, those tweets are from when he was practicing for the Wunderlich test...

Man, thanks for sharing; your story made me straight up misty. I’ll be honest, parenting is exhausting and stressful a good part of the time, and that’s *with* my wife probably pulling heavier freight than me.

Oh shit, that’s funny.  I’m crying...