This is exactly how the schism between Sunni and Shia Islam started, too many questions. Look what you've done.

No snark: that kid probably slays it with the women. I went to college with a guy who had hair like that, and he couldn’t keep the girls away.

What ejection?

I imagine Mr. Smith will say that is just phaeton residue left over from the cleansing. I’m mean would a OT8 ever lie? I think not.

After this little fracas I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s on his way to live with his auntie and uncle in Bel Air.

Umpires just don’t understand!

Is enjoying prison a “thing”? Because this guy seems to have acclimated nicely while jumping right into it.

When you get to prison, you are often forced to choose between allegiances, PBS and Lifetime.
As a dedicated Meredith Baxter-Birney fan, his choice was obvious.

Is there anything this guy can’t cover up?

I didn’t realize cable networks paid sponsorship dollars to the inevitable subjects of their movies.

Or just don’t fucking travel with drugs.

Subtle enough that they immediately zoomed in on Seinfeld and he had a pre-planned expression on his face.

Seriously. It’s a baseball. It costs a few dollars, and it’s dirty. You didn’t catch it at a game, there’s no sentimental value. It’s just a ball. Buy a fucking ball.

They only reason to want the ball is so that someone else won’t be able to have a nice memory.

Fuck this guy. I hope his boat sinks.

It doesn’t happen more often because every other large overpriced and immobile object in Pennsylvania that occasionally catches baseballs is signed to the Phillies.

I want someone to collect all of those and built a really unreliable house out of them.

Figure out from what angles and distances people can see your computer monitor.

Too late! I have a meeting with HR this afternoon.

My father was a mechanic, and I learned a few things from him over time. But I have done a few things he’s not taught me, thanks to You Tube (valve cover gasket replacement, and radiator fan motor replacement to name a few). I know when I am licked (didn’t pull the trigger on ring/valve gasket replacement for oil…

I was a car stereo installer way back when that was a thing. My favorite customer experience was when a guy came in for a deck for his daughter’s spanking new Neon or something.