If you go with someone old enough or with any kind of disability, the wheelchair is the way to go. Front of the line!

Looking at how messed up the Dolphins, Bills and Jets are, are we sure the Patriots are even that good?

Velocity isn’t everything at that level, but even a good high school pitcher throws about 85 mph.

The Chargers are like the AFC’s version of the Cowboys, only with a lot less history and general hatred — they’re just good enough to be dangerous. Every year, they’re somewhere between 7-9 and 10-6 every year (with a spike to an occasional 11-5 and division title when the schedule is favorable), just good enough to…

I feel like I’m watching the scene in “Vacation” when Clark breaks through the dead-end barricade and jumps the Truckster into the desert. To paraphrase:

This looks like a depiction of game day, but it’s actually the 2017 Rivers Family Reunion.

He looks like Glass Joe after you’ve stunned him, and just before you hit him 16 straight times in the jaw.

As bad as a normal weekend stench on Bourbon can be, something I’ve always called “The Mardi Gras Smell” is worse. It’s really only around during Mardi Gras and is the combination of every god-awful scent known to man — urine, poop, vomit, decaying food, days-old garbage (the crowds are so large and the trucks don’t…

I must have been told by native New Orleanians not to answer that question 500 times. I’ve been to New Orleans probably 50 times in the last 20 years. I have never once had someone ask me to bet them that they can guess where I got dem shoes. Is that really still a thing, or just some urban legend that happened to a…

There’s the occasional titty flash year-round, but that’s just the tourists. Actually, during Mardi Gras it’s just the tourists too, but it’s more accepted and numerous then.

The Mississippi, at least in present day, is barely a mile wide at most points. Maybe two or three if you count having to traverse the backwaters. I doubt it was 20-30 miles wide in 1492.

There were some fairly large tribes in the North American interior at that time. Surely they didn’t just get to a river and say, “Welp, we’re boned.”

Whenever the Saban-to-Texas (or fill in the blank team) begin every so often, I always point out to people that Saban would be foolish to leave. Not only does he have a premiere program right where he wants it, he could literally strangle a stripper on the 50-yard line of Bryant-Denny Stadium, anally violate her…

That’s right. One great song/music video and you get a lifetime pass for all the child rapes you want.

Been to two strip clubs in my life, one nice one on Bourbon Street in New Orleans and one small, fairly mundane one in rural Louisiana. The rural one was fine for hanging out. Really just a bar where some topless women were dancing.

Assuming you’re going the long way around Florida, you’ve got a crapload of swamps in Florida (you’d have to cross the Everglades to get from one side to the other), Georgia, South Carolina, Alabama, Mississippi, the entire southern end of Louisiana and even southeastern Texas itself to navigate through. You’ll never…

“Mama, why is that man so sad? He looks like when Puddles died.”

Can you present one of these 1920’s articles? I’d really like to read it.

Well, right now there seems to be a hell of a lot of fish snorting lines off the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.

Some shitty fan comic called Dragon Ball Multiverse. It’s been going on for years and still fuck-all has happened.