I'm the same way. I remember as a kid, me, mom, dad and sis would go out to a place like Sizzler. The bill would usually be around $50 or so from what I remember (this was late 1980s/early 1990s) and if a $5 bill was left it was noteworthy. I've tried to go out of my way to tip at least 20 percent since then, and…

I know the reality of the sports world skewed off from ours some time ago, ala "Back to the Future II," but I love how a guy making $20 million-plus a year — essentially a winning Powerball ticket every 12 months — can just say, "Naw, fuck it. I'm calling in sick for the next four months. Y'all got this."

So they found the supposedly dead kids alive and well in the basement of a building in Quantico, right next to all the 9/11 victims, the two twin towers that are still there but cloaked, and three members of the Bilderberger Group?

Considering the backstory to Butler's interception, somebody was probably trying to ask Garoppalo about the times they ran it in practice. Or about Butler himself, since Garoppalo might have thrown against him in practice more than Brady did. There's a couple of valid angles to work there.

I'm not a huge NHL fan, more casual fan than anything else, but how often is there a fight in an NHL game these days? Or one that warrants more than a passing mention? Definitely not enough to say that it's featured in stories a number of times a night or a week.

There is nothing — and I mean NOTHING — worse as a sports fan than having your team get blown out in a Super Bowl. It's like punching yourself in the balls for four hours.

The play call was obviously bad, but give some credit to Butler, too. He read that play perfectly, didn't hesitate, and was the only Patriot in position to make the play.

The beach ball looks like he's been hitting the bong.

Ant Star Trek: TNG marathon without the classic Borg two-parter is not worth watching. Shame on you, BBC America.

It's also the title of a yet-to-be published post by some Boston sports blogger after Brady throws for 350 yards and three touchdowns tonight.

Easy now. One crackpot theory at a time, please.

J.J. will have a grainy newspaper photo of Andrew Luck taped to his mirror, which he will angrily rip down and crumple up the day before reporting to training camp.

If Justin Timberlake makes an unannounced cameo and we get a SB XXXVIII re-enactment, will every internet server in the country spontaneously combust? And will it be every 15-year-old boy's greatest Super Bowl memory ever, even if they get to play in one some day?

You dock Belichick for having a long and successful run with Brady. You do realize that Lombardi had his own Hall of Fame quarterback for his entire run in Green Bay, right? Plus a lot more Hall of Famers than Belichick has ever had in New England?

I'm not impressed. We all know this is just a rehashed clip from the Deadspin sexual harassment class.

All those words, and not one mention of the biggest strike against Mike's Hard Lemonade?

I want to say hippo, but everyone knows if the rhino lands one shot to the mouth the hippo will spend the next 10 seconds trying to pull its underwear up. Once the rhino figures that out, they fight won't even last one round.

The best part of that is the ump who spots the emery board just turning his head in such a nonchalant manner that he doesn't even move his arm away from the resting position. Just a subtle turn, like he's watching a little kitten run by or something.

I went to a bachelor party in New Orleans once, and we wound up at a strip club on Bourbon Street. That stop wasn't planned and I don't drink, so I only had about $60 in cash on me. Figured that'd be more than enough to get me through the night.

If she didn't make the "fingers snapping in a Z" motion or wave her finger and say "Awwwww, heeeelllll no!" after every one of these tweets, I will lose all faith in humanity.