GRADE: F- (realizing that all of human existence is but a dream occurring in Shia LaBeouf's mind as he slumbers in a glass box on display in the Met. It is a performance piece. The only spectator is a medium-sized dog in sunglasses.)

Uniform: Like The Mad Hatter preparing to appear on Fox News or a Dad about to go golfing. Impeccable, possibly side-parted hair. Think high school bully in an 80's movie.
Intoxicant of choice: SoCo. Occasionally chewing tobacco.
Hobbies: Fancying self to be "gentleman" (one source familiar with southern bros even…

I would so buy one.

I wanted anemones (also fucking expensive), but thankfully they weren't in season. I just gave my florist friend a color and a budget and let her go with it. Plus the request that the flowers don't smell. I cannot stand fragrant flowers.

Number 13 ALL THE WAY.

After working at a hellish, bazillion hour a week job, I quit. Flat out quit. After several months, I found my Holy Grail of a part time job in the field I wanted that paid decently. Shortly after taking the Holy Grail job, I found out I was pregnant. The ability to work 20 hours a week while still spending time with…

Soooo, how is a committee of lawyers hired by the person in question not a conflict of interest again?

Dear God! The cuteness! And the horse looking at the camera to say goodbye!

OMG. I can't get past the whole "I didn't pee on a stick for a month because the Lord asked me not to". What in the what??

I tried taking Irish twice. I could not get it.

My sad art historian heart has no words other than this:

We just received a carseat for soon-to-be Baby Bourbon, and OMFG the directions are so obtuse! I have no fucking clue how this thing is supposed to be installed besides securing the base. That's all my pregnant brain can figure out. I can understand IKEA pictograms, but this looks like you need a PhD from MIT. (It's a…

A baby as a GIFT?

I never waited tables, but I was a hostess at two Mexican restaurants in small towns in the South.

This. This will give me nightmares for eternity.

I believe he's the asshole who took up-skirt cellphone photos of women on Boston's public transportation. The MA court said it was technically legal based on the wording of the current law. So the state legislature promptly updated and rewrote the law to accommodate modern technology and sent it to the governor.