Haley talking through clenched teeth is reminding me way too much of my mom when I would piss her off in public

The camera just went to Rubio for a second, and I just sort of instinctively went, “oh go fuck yourself Marco Rubio.” So, now I’m going to call him OhgofuckyourselfMarco from here on out.

Roger Sterling!

Did it. was amazing. Would do it again.

This is why you should remain single for awhile in your 20s. Because you date dudes with weird sex habits and those stories will make you the highlight of dinner parties for the rest of your life.

Evangelicals who married young....ALWAYS the healthiest of relationships!

Did not a single sorority sister have a gun of their own on them? So tragic and so easily prevented with just another gun.

Jesus Chryslers...

Shout out to all my fellow Jezzies who read “inexpensive Yankee candles” and thought about how you only get Yankee candles when they're on the clearance endcap at TJ Maxx.

When people boil food, the water leaches out nutrients, but cooking in general makes food more digestible and makes it much easier for the body to absorb nutrients. Just don’t boil your food.

At least he’ll still be able to pen op-eds for The Blaze from there.

Fiscal conservatives, the real brainy Repubs, used the religious, gun-toting right for votes, building them up, telling them what they wanted to hear.

This is a good time to remember this.

Falwell’s comments are just a perfect encapsulation of how these idiots think. The racism, of course, but also the action hero fantasy bullshit that they tell themselves.

Once, my uncle asked “So Mark, you’re a vegetarian now?” while we were eating at a restaurant. I thought that he was just interested in trying it, so I beamed and said “Yes!”

Yeah. I’m 25 and can’t seem to do homework on time or remember to get gas. wtf am i doing wrong. lol

This all just seems like the handiwork of Pimp Mama Kris writing a storyline and calling up TMZ over and over and over and over.

I feel this so hard. My mom worshipped my sister, and I was constantly reminded that nothing was flattering on me, but she was the gorgeous one. Which I was never allowed to forget. And so much dowdy clothing, omg.

Text message: the new Post-It?

I’m so happy that my parents are seeing him and backing the fuck away from everything he’s associated with. Of course, now that I say this I’m sure my everything-truther dad will find a redeeming and salient point in semi-sentient, disappointingly bland salt lick Donald Trump’s latest word salad. In which case I’ll…