When I saw this trailer in theaters, I thought three things, in this order: 1) Poor sharks, this is not going to help their undeserved reputation. 2) I cannot see this movie, because it will make me afraid of diving—not because of the sharks, but because if you suddenly sank to 47 m, the sharks would be the least of…

I think we should wait until we hear what Marshawn Lynch has to say about all this.

Seriously? This is the hill we die on? What was meant to be a small token of support is turned into a point of outrage? Im sorry but the reason trump and his supporters continue to shit all over us is because we devote too much of our very limited resources to bullshit infighting in a hope to be wokest. Can we get…

I love assembling IKEA furniture! It’s like carpentry where all the hard parts are done for you. Hammer some shit, screw some shit in, and bam! You have made furniture.

I don’t really trust people who are bad at ikea. When my renters moved I bought the furniture they didn’t want to schlep across the country, and I’ve had to tighten/re-assemble every single thing.

Does Barron’s t-shirt indicate he has been offered a position as advisor?

If we hurt his feelings enough, will he cancel his US visit?

“That would be like marrying a model who won’t even sleep in the same city as you”

Come all the way through. O’Shea Jackson. I love it.

The only thing I thank white men for is drinking my nut.

I mean I don’t want to say that this smells like white people patting themselves on the back for passing a test of basic human decency but this smells like white people patting themselves on the back for passing a test of basic human decency.

It takes 20+ years to reach the rank of Admiral. It’s the only thing he’s done his entire adult life. He’s gonna throw it all away just to say ‘yup, he told me to drop it?’

Comey is amazing. He managed to get the word hookers off that dossier into public record by way of writing what Trump said to him. Brillz! He’s basically begging to be asked about it and legitimize it further.

Sometimes I wonder if you have an unhealthy obsession, then I say fuck it, no, it is the best obsession.

There’s lot of shirtlessness in The Covenant, a terrible movie that also has Steven Strait, Chace Crawford and Taylor Kitsch (whose name I always forget).

(Featuring Leslie Jordan as Jeff Sessions, because it would make Sessions bust)

Oooooo. This is good to hear. I hate getting all excited about something, & then it sucks. Now, I won’t feel bad about buying it. I hope it’s good with goat cheese & my favorite smoked onion crackers.

“Looking forward to the D-Day invasion of Normandy tomorrow! #MAGA”