My 37th birthday was last week, and I got taken out to dinner by a super cute guy 10 years younger and got laid. The days after that I went to a beer festival, went to the river with friends, got drunk, got high, got laid again, and then went on a boat in a different river, at which point I proceeded to get drunk and…

Like a real life Bobby Newport?

This lady’s delighted, snorting laugh is the most erotic thing in this entire post about this bland, triangle-shaped motherfucker.

I worked at a TGIF for four years. There is some actual grilling and sauteing going on. Lots of deep frying. Some microwaving. And a lot of weed dealing.

I’m not sure what’s more pathetic: that Meghan Trainor likes the Cheesecake Factory, or that she’s so stupid to think that she wouldn’t be recognized at one. The Venn diagram of Meghan Trainor fans and people who like the Cheesecake Factory is a single circle.

Oh my god that is hilarious

This is an upside to my vagina being attracted to rednecky dudes. Still a lot of embarrassment, but little paper trail

when i was 15 i called a boy “magnetic” in an email and the memory of it still makes me want to barf

It’s viscerally embarrassing to read. I suddenly feel ashamed of all the obviously, transparently performative emails I’ve written to smart boys in a desperate bid to get laid.

WTF x 100000000

Jennifer Mayers is clearly Tomatoface or whatever the fuck he’s calling himself mow.

I’m waiting for the NRA and their new poster boy DOnald Trump to issue a statement about how terrible it is for the police to gun down someone for having a legal handgun in his car. Or for Cliven Bundy et al. to start agitating about federal oppression. I am expecting to wait a very long time.

My Arbor Mist-loving husband would inhale this, and now I’m off to google “bourbon slushies” so I have something to drink too.

Note to self: become a hobbyist beekeeper so I can write memoir about the life lessons it taught me titled “Bitch, I might bee”

This is peak Pennsylvania here folks.

Since it’s PA, I’m surprised he didn’t get another year on his sentence for not buying the beer on the second Tuesday of the month between 12:30-4:15pm from a licensed beer distributor in a 24 or 96 pack.

Pretty sure that’s true of any female dog that happens to be chilling

I still have a crush on that damn cartoon fox

Ditto. I don’t know why they don’t do that more often. My DVD copies of the original cast Broadway productions of Into the Woods and Sunday in the Park with George are among my most treasured! And I had the 10th Anniversary concert edition of Les Mis on VHS (recorded off PBS) for yeeeeaaaars before I got the CD and…