1) no billionaire puts in a billion dollars worth of work, their workers do

He found out Jodie Foster is a lesbian and it’s just not the same.

I mean . . .

Welp, good portion of his base is about to feel a really direct, inescapable sting.

The mid-course correction to NOT have Andie end up with Duckie was the best decision they made in that movie. The guy had issues. When one person is that enamored of another who doesn’t share the same feelings, it’s going to be a weird friendship. Turn that into a romantic relationship and you’re looking at an…

Oh I was, um, 29?

No, it isn’t that either. It isn’t supposed to show how responsible you are with money. It’s supposed to show how reliable of a borrower that you are.

I eagerly await the headline, “Jared Leto in a Coma Following Savage Beating Outside Missouri Truck Stop.”

What do you mean? I often invite my spouse to my office so people can take our picture as we reload paper into the copy machine.

Eh....maybe once or twice a year. She’s ok.

Americans don’t believe in the American Dream because they’re the only people in a position to know from experience that the American Dream is a scam that rich people use to maintain a cheap labor force in the form of poor people.

Religion.

He’s a venture capitalist and a bit of a strong persona but given how he’s probably the world leader for not killing the planet right now I say good for him.

Even money says it’s a trump-supporting racist.

Dude, Ukrainian women are mad hot. It happense all the time. One time I was walking the dog and this elderly Ukrainian woman came up and said it looked like it might rain. BOOM! Instant porno.

Fuck that noise. Junior is doing his home-wrecking by choice. How in any decency do you try to equate that with the crimes against humanity authored by ICE? Go clutch your pearls somewhere else.

I’m still struggling to understand why political journalists are telling everyone that we should respect Dipshit Jr.’s privacy at this time and not take glee in his divorce. Fuck him. Fuck his (ex) wife. Fuck that whole family.

This is a long-winded piece wherein Juzwiak tries to squeeze something juicy out of an artist who’d like to talk about her music.

Get off your high horse.

There are people who are extremely busy. Example: My cousin and his wife, who use Blue Apron, are both doctors. On the days that they are on shift, they are FAR too busy and tired to go grocery shopping AND cook when they get home.

Or here’s another example: you get to try to dishes you…

Too stupid to follow a recipe? It is a fucking recipe.