I’m sorry but if you have issues accidentally eating the paper on a Reese’s you have serious problems that you need to address.

When you’re still single at 45, they stop asking you directly. They just whisper among themselves about how they knew all along you were gay.  

Actually no it isn’t! The plural of octopus really is octopuses OR Octopi. The grammatically correct term is ‘octopodes’ but nobody ever uses that.

The problem is that he and you both think what he said was profound and beautiful. You’re wrong, and that’s okay. I’ll try and explain:

Please stop letting spam ads with uncloseable popups hijack the website. I don’t want to have to use adblocker, but I also don’t want to have to close the tab because I keep getting redirected to some shitty gift card ad.

Cardi B just sounds like a real piece of shit. Sorry, she just does.

Also, corn doesn’t contain gluten. Grits are naturally gluten-free. There may be cross-contamination, but any decent vendor of wheat products is going to want to limit that because corn itself is a major allergen.

Please give more to the owners. They’re not rich enough yet

How to use a roundabout.

The last few seasons have been such shitfests that this one could literally be the cast reading the newspaper and trying on shoes and I’d still be scooting across the carpet like a dog.

I’m an Asian parent that tries to shed the “we’re Asians... not B-sians” kind of mentality. It’s a bit of meme in the household, largely to remind everybody that it is a thing but it doesn’t have to be. In a continued era of standardized testing, I remind my kids that the test results open doors, but they aren’t the…

“And as someone who grew up with a cat who loves to kill animals and leave home for days on end hunting, it’s not as easy as sticking your cat indoors all the time.”

Terrorist.

This story just doesn’t add up!

Not with that attitude.

Once we had a short road trip really. Central IL to Indianapolis. So a little less than 3 hours.

If you want to go appreciate the "adult female form", go watch porn or look at instagram models. Not sexualize students who were there to work, not be ogled by a pervy professor. 

I am a woman and I love wine.  I love all kinds of wine and am not picky.  I will drink any kind of wine at any time of day.  Box wine is fine.  That is very easy to say because it is true.  Ears love hearing true things.  Box win is fine.  Perfectly true.  It’s not the greatest wine, but fine doesn’t mean “greatest,”…

I will never stop being creeped out by merchandise inspired by this book/show. 

My feelings on this are strong as hell, so don’t take this the wrong way: Fuck that pastor.