The Onion continues to knock it out of the park:

I hate the fact that every single one is a Limited Edition. I disagree.

Looks like the cable for the rear mech. Let’s be honest. In all of this, the real highlight is, “BACK AWAY FROM THE BICYCLE.”

All in favor of making Boar Monday a thing say “Aye.”

Zach should charge $10 to let strangers bitch-slap his brother. For principle's sake, and to recoup his losses.

What’s pathetic is that he’s 28 and having to borrow his brother’s car.

The fact that he has to borrow his 20 year old brother’s car and crashed it playing a video game should suggest that he has no income and no skills.

GoFundMe? No, no, no. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works. It’s BroYouOweMe.

Are you really arguing the guy who won 8 gold medals in one Olympics is overrated?

Well, it would be actually kind of refreshing to find out a Warriors player knew how to grab something by the throat.

As for Crowell admitting he was wrong and acted out of rage — Loomis says, “You’re a grown ass man, and you claim you were too emotional to know it was wrong? Think we’ll accept your apology? Kiss my ass.”

Dude. Free child labor is like 95% of the reason to even have a family.

If the Earth were round, Giancarlo Stanton’s dingers would go straight into outer space. Think about it, you guys.

Please, please don’t use pictures of this fuckwad’s face to headline posts.

Ugh. So Messi.

This move shows that the only thing Reinsdorf cares about is getting asses in seats, not building a championship caliber team. This team will be just good enough to earn a playoff berth, then exit in the first, maybe the second round. People will still go to games, the Bulls will be a bit over .500, and that’s good…

The difference was that Wade already had a ring. He wasn’t ‘chasing’ as much as the others were, just making room on his team to help get better.

Wade didn’t commit any acts of “self-sacrificing loyalty.” He left money on the table in exchange for rings.

Wade traded money for a better chance at winning championships, and he won some. I don’t think Miami really “owes” him anything for that.