“Who will speak for pragmatic voters then?”

Sometimes the stars align just so...

There’s no better way to indicate you don’t watch much soccer than assuming a bottle of yellow liquid thrown at you from a Mexican crowd is a “Modelo”.

“Antonio needs help, from his agent, from his manager, from his loved ones, from his doctors, and he’s not getting it.”

This is the worst episode of Ballers ever. 

My high school football team was so bad that teams would go up on us by 40, 50 by half time and then sub in their sophomores or end of the bench people. One game we were down 58-2 at the start of the second half. Somehow we managed to play absolutely out of our minds and managed to get the score to 58-50 with a little…

I’m fine living in a Paul Verhoeven movie, but why can’t it be Showgirls?

“In other words: target your campaign exactly at me.”

Do you at least get before-and-afters?

That’s how I read it at first, but I think he’s saying the people living and working in those buildings came from far away only to see homeless people ruin everything. But translating Trump is more of an art than science, so who knows.

That’s OK. It happens to a lot of bull semen factories. 

So “Moo-kake” is all good then?

Starter money is reserved for studs like Case Keenum and Ryan Tannehill.

Can we root for them to be so bad that the 1972 Dolphins retroactively have their perfect season stripped so we never have to hear about it again?

If you have to imagine something happening to someone you care about to understand that thing is bad, you don’t actually understand that the thing itself is bad. 

Alternatively, just imagine anybody was a commissioned painter and this is what happened to them while they were trying to do their job.

What idiot called it keeping the ball in Minshew’s hands and not Constant Gardner

Same offer I made to the Raiders, come to Fresno. Play 8 sold out games a year to 40,000 insane people. Buy an open plot of land for close to zero dollars and build a 80,000 person stadium. Then when high speed rail is complete the whole state can hope on a train and travel only 60 minutes and see them in the best…

I mean, they still wouldn’t have one if the Jed York was still the owner.

Detroit, because they are probably the largest city without a professional football team.