I think that you are making a joke wherein the absence of the term "hot dog" is the crux of the comedy. I enjoyed it.

nooo! i mean i meant to say you blow more than a kleenex that...ah i can't finish it! I'm not worthy! i'm not worthy!

Last year David Aardsma (pitching for the Mets at the time) tweeted that his bed was stolen from his new apartment in New York (weird, right?). It happened after he blew a save, so I said if he blows one again I'm coming back for the dresser. He blew it that night, and blocked me.

Is throwing it away in shame after the first use the same as cleaning?

For years, scientists struggled to really prove, mathematically, why dividing something by 0 would make it undefined. Thank you Emory, you have done what was previously thought to be undoable.

They win cutest couple of these playoffs.

"Hold still, dammit, I'm taking my talents back to the womb."

OMG how do you edit out the best part

If the relationship with my dog has taught me anything; Lebron hates that, and will eventually throw up on the rug after feeding him an apple core.

Might not have such a tight end in prison

The "keeping-it-real"-ist tight end in prison. He'll make a douchey addition to the Mean Machine.

Well. At least he had a reason.

and every Mets fan

Leave him alone. He's never seen a black guy in person before. He didn't realize how aggressive rappers can be.

//Jaackie heard that two,, her cousin Lynn makes$278 a day working from home for google%,, and shes been out of work for 8months and she would swing at that.\

I once heard someone named "The Babe" could call where his hits would go. I'm no baseball-give-a-shitter, but I imagine like many professional athletes, baseball players have the ability to direct the ball in approximate directions and lengths. Still an unlikely pretty bad ass heart warming little event. Too bad he's…

This isn't what I come to DadPenis for.

You can tell he's drunk since he's making a pass.