You need pancakes , sausage and onions STAT!

A very religious man was once caught in rising floodwaters. He climbed onto the roof of his house and trusted God to rescue him. A neighbour came by in a canoe and said, “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll paddle to safety.”

But I have all this maple syrup and hot peppers!!1!

People, please start believing that health care IS the miracle God sent you.

Divest man, the bottom is about to fall out of the foreskin market, it’s a bubble, open your eyes !!

Four bolts of cloth? Friend, those are teenage bride prices.

If you aren't going to throw in a cow and four bolts of good cloth, sit back down.

I bid two goats and an acre of farmland of a goodly soil.

Well, you can’t throw away a good stuffie just because you broke up with some boy! It would be wrong!

i feel like i’m hallucinating

YES!!!!

Bitches be legislatin

Honestly, I think it’s because as a female you are worried you’ll be judged if you don’t show up. Dudes just take for granted that they can stay home when they are sick, their kid is sick, or it’s dangerous to travel.

Frankly, living through her VP candidacy gave me PTSD.

Just know that you have named my autobiography. “Catching Dick Left and Right: The LolaCat5 Story” will sell ALL the copies because of you.

Pitch: “It’s Pride and Prejudice and Zombies meets Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon meets Keeping Up Appearances”

Dowager Empress Cixi of China. She became an imperial concubine as a teenager, staged a coup at age 25, and then proceeded to effectively rule China behind a series of puppet-emperors through the Victorian Age. If that doesn’t deserve a TV show then I don’t know what.

Genuinely thought it said MARTIAL ARTS DRAMA about Queen Elizabeth.

I remember when I first learned that there had to be male witnesses to a rape in Saudi Arabia and how outraged I was... every time I read another story like this, I lose a little more hope in this country. I can’t decide whether I feel more rage or despair.

Gibbs was fired only after a male student saw him photographing a nude female student.