My mom totally handed me off to a stranger on a plane once. I’d been screaming my head off, she was at her wits’ end, and a kindly old lady asked if she could try to calm me down. She still gets teary talking about how relieved she was.

Now if only I had a screaming baby. I never thought I’d say that, but I want to try this shit out.

According to republicans, vaginas are illegal.

If you hate him, imagine what it’s like having him as your governor. (Unless you’re also an Ohioan. Then you know our pain.)

Only so I can make it stop existing.

Another excellent TMBG song that you hope nobody ever sends you

It’s alright, I should probably have been clearer. 1950s Yorkshire is essentially Victorian London with looser child labour laws, fewer cheeky cockney chimney cleaners and more flat caps.

The Southern Poverty Law Center considers any wedding party of over 8 people a hate group.

Seven Bridesmaids for Four Brothers and Three Friends ends up being a less interesting musical.

Nice. She’s not your satellite, she doesn’t miss you...

“When Will You Die” would be a good one, too.

She doesn’t have to have her Young Fresh Fellows tape back . . .

“Football Team At Center Of” is the least surprising part of this scandal.

I bite my thumb in your general direction.

I think, like many things in American politics, this is a racialized story. Carson is banking on his “hood to good” narrative that a large amount of white people in this country find appealing. It puts poor, urban black people in a bad light and upholds the popular narrative of black acceptability politics. Through…

I’m more interested in the phrase “tried to hit his mother with a hammer”. Tried. As in, was unable to.

Also, he shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

Did I wake up in some alternate universe in which presidential candidates WANT people to believe they’ve stabbed someone and hit their mother with a hammer?? I’m losing my mind right?? Are we dead??

I had open-heart surgery as a toddler, 40 years ago. The scar is very prominent and I make no attempts to cover it. I’ve had it all my life so it’s not a traumatic thing for me, and I still will make up stuff like this sometimes because it’s not random person on the street’s business.

“throw a hot coal at her”