this visual!

ok, THANK YOU, because this is always my response—accidentally anal is impossible, because you have to really work at intentional anal (ok, I do, but I’m assuming I’m not alone). like you have to breathe and relax and get some lube and the one with the phallus that’s doing the inserting needs to be gentle and go…

Lots of A-listers don’t have a star because they don’t want to show up. Al Pacino, Clint Eastwood, Julia Roberts, Denzel Washington... none of them have a star. Celebs who do want a star often buy one to coincide with a movie release. It’s basically pay-to-play.

I want you to have this conversation and I want to be on speaker phone.

Like fully right in here? I’ve def experienced a drunken whoops, but like the door was closed. Do I have an unusually tight anus?

That’s enough internet for today.

A friend of my wife’s once passed out from the pain after her husband accidentally stuck it in her poop hole. It’s 100% plausible, especially when you consider that gay men routinely have sex in missionary position.

I’LL FUCKING SHOW YOU WHY I’M CRYING, ROLL OVER MOTHERFUCKER

I think those rumors are like the “Tom Cruise is gay” rumors--just attempts to make sense of someone who doesn’t give off any kind of credible sexuality.

Bradley Cooper seems a little...spermless to me. Not a virility thing, more like an “inanimate object incapable of reproducing” thing.

She’s earned respect and admiration, but the point the poster was making was that you don’t “earn” a star on the walk of fame. You literally apply for it, and then pay for it.

 it’s about goddamn time.

She’s not dead, she just doesn’t take your calls anymore.

“Your bodies are balloons filled with farts”

my what?

One of those tweets...

The real question is, what year is his Camaro?

A guy with a sweet leather jacket

Ugh- your last line. You were doing so well!

“fast girls”