Well now I know why they call it King’s Landing.

Must we? Well, I got the memo too late, and I’m already thoroughly impressed.

I think you’re not getting what I mean... My kid doesn’t even KNOW to say “don’t go be Lannister Handjob*” he is like “don’t go help people in their garden stay and play all day forever!” because three year olds don’t have a great grasp on time or what I do. But people call their mama BRITNEY SPEARS all day, every…

...is this really that weird/depressing to the parents out there?

“Narcissism is awful, and young people are the worst, but isn’t this 16-year-old girl super hot?”

America Ferrera and Amber Tamblyn. Or is it Alexis Bledel and Amber Tamblyn? Not sure.

I’m as surprised as you.

Why do you hate love? You must not be here for the right reasons.

It may be terrible, but a lot of us find it entertaining.

Hahahahahaha good.

waiters at random places, sure

I think the point I’m getting here is that you were shitty at your job.

My favorite storied student simile is: “The boat glided across the lake just like a bowling ball wouldn’t.”

Much like South Park, Schumer fearlessly tackles taboo subjects like incest and bodily excretions, except she’s a person, not a cartoon.

a New York Jew with a copy of the Times tucked into her bag.

I love that Vogue considers Schumer’s totally unsurprising fondness for the New York Times to be a literary eccentricity requiring ethnographic contextualization:

“manipulative sex kitten”

No, no, no, no! Think of it as Bill O’Reilly is finally agreeing with YOU.

Our political climate has honestly become so polarized and hostile that my immediate thought was “BUT WHAT’S THE CATCH?”

I believe nothing about the Swift-Harris story. They broke up, she moved on*... that’s kinda how it goes. And did everyone forget about his infamous rub-and-tug scandal? A d—- pic is just a slow Wednesday.