TCM is “lighting in a bottle”. Can’t capture that again. Make something new.

Best way to avoid getting sick on a cruise ship is to avoid going on a cruise ship.

“Seriously, can you pack anymore awesome into a single headline?”

How about “the pound” as the happy medium? A woman I’d been working with put in her last shift the other day, and tried to just mosey off into the sunset, not quite sure how to peace it out, and I went with the pound. It seemed to strike all the right notes. Maybe there’s just the right amount of irony inherent in it…

Top secret footage of the systems:

I don’t necisarly disagree with that statement. But I’ve also been in a relationship with a girl who’s jealousy and anxiety would go from 0-100 really quickly. And being a young dude with no back-bone or ability to stick to my guns made me extremely scared to do anything that would provoke that.

Something as simple as…

Like after a crappy day at work and I can’t even make it out of my car without hearing the screaming coming from in the house. That’s fun.

Good lord. Go find a safe space - away from sarcasm and some parenting half-truths. Kids, work, family, friends, all are a double edged sword at times. Only special people have to talk like they’re trying out for the Sound Of Music. i.e., lighten up a bit.

That last bit? That’s completely true. Never more true than bedtime or the middle of the night.

My daughter is currently a toddler and I don’t plan on having more and I am absolutely loving it. She is so much fun to hang out with and while there are the occasional meltdowns if you just engage with her she is more than content. I absolutely love the innocence and pure joy that you get from her, it has made my…

her weapon would be expired coupons that you are just going to have to accept, or else get your manager over here and we’ll see what they have to say about it

“Cuteness in babies is a survival mechanism. It ensures they live long enough to find other ways to not be killed.” ~ unknown

Why it gotta be mom’s cooking? Dad don’t cook? I’m kidding of course, but someone would’ve taken it there because people can’t just let an affirmation stand. Their mindset is affirmation for you = denigration for me.

How fucking conceited and oblivious do you have to be to type that and hit SEND? Do white people have to insert themselves into everything?

That tweet was unbelievably innocuous and kinda warm. It sounds as divisive as “shoutout to mom’s cooking.”

I’ll say one thing, this brings back some really really fun memories.

Being from inside the US, it’s objectively terrifying that we have a man like that in charge.

I can’t get over the fact that policy is being dictated via fucking twitter. What a shitshow.

I end up at family events on my ex’s side because her family usually invites me so they know the kids will be there and I love my nieces to death. I go out of my way to be polite and I’ve made it a rule to never say anything negative about their mom in front of my kids. Nothing I say is going to change her behavior,(…

At least now I don’t feel bad about not being too tore up over his having brain cancer.