Please don’t see this movie.

I hear you. My 94-year-old narcissistic mother starts her ‘happy hour’ at 2pm every day. After the first glass she is considerably less acerbic and judgmental. Visits and outings are planned after the first and before the third, when hostility sets in before bed.

MBJ: I don’t only date white women.

Let’s celebrate the spork. I love sporks so much that my everyday flatware is a rare, hard to find set that has salad sporks and dinner sporks! I bought it about 15 years ago and have never seen anything quite like it since. My precious spork set:

Why do women care how tall guys are? We don't need them to fight a saber tooth tiger off! We don't want them to judge us for our weight which we are in more control of than their height!! He isn't my cup of tea either but not because of his height.

No one OWES anyone sex. But yes, I feel sad for the people not sleeping with Lenny Kravitz. Myself included. 

she is totally complicit if not supportive of his bs

People who DON’T have sex talk about sex waaayyy more than people getting it.

The only thing worse than celebrities bragging about all the sex they are having, is celebrities bragging about all the sex they are not having.

I wish The Muppet Show was still on, she would make an excellent host.

Oh he knew what sort of chaos he was going cause. Remember, he’s not just Luke Skywalker. He is also the best Joker - and yes, that’s including Ledger’s Joker.

Davidson just helped create a rising political star. Well done, moron.

I can't stand any of those people, but what was she supposed to do? Empty an implant to put out the fire?

Eh I don’t blame her. I was also evacuated and was so tired and shocked that I laid in a hotel room bed all day watching Bravo.

A friend of mine from a deeply religious family got married as soon as she got out of HS at age 18 (!!!) and little baby me (age 17) helped throw the bridal shower and bachelorette party. The entire wedding party of 4 teenagers had a budget of maaaaaaybe $200 and absolutely no clue what was expected of us. Our…

Well aren’t you a fun, “cool girl” and not at all weirdly judgmental about a common event that plenty of women who are getting married have.

All of them? Even my own? Bridal showers are weird, where else do we expect grown women to unwrap common household items so other grown women can ooh and aah over shit they all have at home?

Me too. My neighbor is an old Korean war vet. He greats me at least once a week while I leave for work at 7 AM. Nothing out of the ordinary until I looked over and he’s just standing in the back yard in his tidy whities, dick in hand, pissing in the middle of the yard whilst letting the dogs out.

Thank you. Seriously. For this piece and for being a great neighbor. 

Benadryl Cummerbund is correct