Bush said he was a fan of "traditional marriage..."

My favorite commandment is #10:

I value witty banter over someone who "works hard, plays hard".

I've heard the breast cancer nonsense before, but not the dengue fever and restless legs syndrome claims before.

The enemy is "the public" in any job. Restaurants hate diners. Shopping stores hate shoppers. Cops hate people. Teachers hate students. Writers hate commenters. Doctors hate patients. Everyone hates stupid, and loves to pretend that they're not.

he made your dumb ass think for a few seconds at least

Are we 100% sure the girl playing Bill Murray isn't actually Bill Murray?

I wouldn't be outraged if he was tried as a juvenile. I am outraged every time a young offender is "upgraded" to adult, in fact. Every time.

If they truly believed that a fetus was a human being entitled to rights, A) They wouldn't support rape and incest exceptions, and B) They would support punishing women who have abortions just like any other murderer.

Skip to the kissing part already, also does this story have pirates?

If "bootstraps" fucked a yogurt commercial, the bastard offspring would be "Love yourself more."

Great, just when I've totally gotten to the Screw it! I'm just going to wear a colour that really pops (like orange, red, or neon pink and blue) so that if people can see my bra through my shirt at least it looks like I meant it place they're finally making nude bras that stand a better chance of matching my…

This shit doesn't work if there isn't actually any good in the task you're doing. The tasks I do for work are meaningless. My job is basically an organizational personificiation of nihlism. The only "good" thing about is that I get a pay check, but that starts me on this path: I'm stuck in this dead end shit job for…

I'll be the curmudgeon that says it. I hate shit like this. Why do you need an audience?!

I sure wish we could stop using "I have a small dick" as such a catch-all for behavior issues. My friends and I talk sometimes about how men never believe us when we tell them we aren't bothered by their dick size. They're so conditioned to associate "small dick" with all kind of assholish behavior and unmanliness and…

Change the Bacon Alarm with Burning House scent and you're set to go.

If this doesn't become the most starred post, this planet is fucking broken.