So, I know that I’m hours late to the thread, but I definitely read thru all these posts and I want to share with you a little.

That was the best era of ONTD. I remember lurking and crying of laughter at some of the comments. Nothing made me laugh like ONTD back then. It’s too bad the site lost what made it special. The best people left a long time ago.

Ahhhh, the days of ONTD. That’s where I honed my snark chops. Sometimes I miss Livejournal.

I think one of the problems with that would be that the Potter movies very intentionally sought out children with fairly stable family lives. I’m not sure if that was Rowling or just knowing that they’d need to find tweens who would still be able to be functional working actors ten years later. That being said, it’s…

it’s natural to want to defend your country but publicly sanctioned punishment rapes might not be the best hill to die on...

So a week after I started this job, a guy who no longer worked at the publication I worked for died in a car accident. I never met him, and he was a copy editor so it wasn’t like I was familiar in any way with him through what he wrote.
But nevertheless, the EOC said everyone needed to go. So I went. And somehow the…

And now I’ve won pissing contest twice, Madeline! And my one post got starred over 1000 times! CAN I PLEASE BE OUT OF THE GREYS NOW?!

My last restaurant didn’t sing. People would get disappointed, and ask why, and I would brightly say, “I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure it’s why we have such a low turnover.”

did not realize how much jim varney looked like gollum until right now

She should return it. It is heavily used.

At the bar/restaurant where I worked, we often used the phrase “This isn’t Chi-Chi’s” (sometimes with a “fucking” thrown in for good measure) as our retort to stupid comments or questions.

My fur baby has resting bitch face.

Legit. I could have sat them at 39 minutes, but I am petty as shit.

It might have been less than 45 min before but now that I heard you say I don’t know what’s going on it’s 45+.

she had endangered the life of a diabetic by not even getting us a coke in a timely manner

God my absolute favorite moment in the service industry, thus far, was quoting some lady 45 minutes for a table and her telling her husband, “There’s no way it’ll be 45 minutes. [implying they will be seated quicker] She doesn’t know what’s going on.”

I could understand if people are excited, and it’s sometimes cute if a kid tells you its their birthday, but yeah - why the hell some customers want to tell you ALL ABOUT their lives, I have no fucking clue. I do. Not. Give. A. Shit. And that’ll be $28.30, thanks.

I’ve been in the industry for over 15 years. All these people have taught me is how to spot them and to prioritize all my other table’s needs before theirs. Some guests are needier than others and I have no problem assisting guests with the wine list, special requests, etc. But if you start the evening by being…