*bowing and tapdancing off stage*

Ha, riiiiight. I’m gonna go ahead and say you just aren’t as good at laundry as you wish you were.

This, um...this doesn’t really happen, dude. What washing machine did you buy? My smart washing machine (it’s an LG) tells me how long it’ll take and then takes that long.

YES, THIS IS CORRECT, FUCK CIGARS

Yes, but brace yourself. “Difficult subject matter” would be an understatement.

It’s pretty good but seriously, dark matter ahoy.

I’ve read this book so I can confidently say that I’m in no way equipped to handle seeing any of it.

Man, this is super tough for me, because I feel for this guy - but I personally was raised by a single mom while my father failed to pay child support, so I really, really know what it’s like to not have this money. It’s...it’s not great.

*tapdances across stage*

I fapped to this comment.

Let’s talk about how you have to get to #6 on the guy list before you get to someone who isn’t lying. It’s not that there aren’t pilots and firemen in the world, but the dude on Tinder is lying.

I don’t see the ripoff here, but this song is dope as shit.

word

THERE ARE AGE REQUIREMENTS ON VOTING YOU DINGBAT

Nu-uh, it’s to get her the HPV vaccine.

That komodo dragon stuff is the worst.

Fishes are definitely the winners in the category of “Shit David Attenborough Thinks Is Extraordinary While You’re Stoned”, followed by birds of paradise, then dugongs, then fuzzy monkeys, then slugfucking.

Oh yo, yeah, Attenborough’s Life in the Undergrowth series has like a ten-minute clip of slugs fucking that’s probably weird enough when you’re not stoned af but MAN. I WAS.

This is the best idea anyone has ever had.

It’s a valid scientific question, and this is the actual answer. (Not that you needed to be told that - just backing you up here.)