“My prediction? Pain.”

I put my wife’s panties in the freezer, but that’s only so I can make soup out of them when she travels.

Cuz u aint my bae nemor

Dafuq? Y?

LMFAO!!! Imma divorce u, k?

These are not the 72 virgins they were expecting.

.....You support a rapist who looks like King Koopa.

Welp. fantasy sports players are requesting selfies with @darrenrovell.

YES.

Right after a silent but deadly in public, I say “I smell popcorn.”