It does help when watching NASCAR. It's kinda boring, and weed make boring stuff interesting. During yellow flags you can grab munchies. Marijuana is the perfect drug for NASCAR. And beer, you can't forget the beer.

Don't paint it. Please, just don't. Come on by my work (auto parts/paint) and ask me about painting the bumper you shredded parking next to that tree and I'll tell you it's gonna cost at least $100 for the paint alone. Then add the cost of wax and grease remover, sandpaper, a spray gun, compressor, tape, masking…

Bicycle gangs in spandex and aerodynamic helmets will probably be the worst scourge of this new technology. Bikers will just blast past with manual controls and no regard for the Prius.

So Texas is a Pink state now? The sun must be bleaching out the Red.

It will make your drinks go faster

Normally, I'd be upset about the Chevy engine swap in a Ford, but I don't think there could be anything you could do to a stock Pinto that wouldn't improve it in some way. Going all Frankenstein on this little pony is the only way to redeem the horror that the Pinto became after Ford gutted everything safe out of it.…

Sharknado got them off the Farallone Islands

"Haunted by the questionable slaying of a child, one man dedicates his life to helping the innocent and saving the lives of the people who have grown to hate him. He lives in the shadows, trying to find the light and redeem his cursed soul. He is Zimmer-Man."

Asshole should get back to writing so people don't have to write songs about how much of an asshole he is for not writing.

Lustful gaze.

Just thinking about trying this scares me like a horny sasquach

Parallel parking for sure is the hardest to master. It took a little time for me to get it down, but most people still 'aint got it. Like the guy in front of work today who leaves enough room for a smart car on either side of his chi-mo van rather than pulling forward or back enough to fit a real car.

Every sword should have a jet engine. Bravo, sir, for thinking out of the box and designing a new weapon concept that will surely replace the lightsaber as the "Best Sci-fi Sword". This one is even physically possible so let's get the boys at DARPA on this before the North Koreans see this revolutionary weapons…

They just forgot to mention that the drive belts are made from hobo skin

This is real. Stop being so skeptical. The gas companies are just strong-arming Pelmear so he can't reveal too much information about this incredible system or his photos of the Loch Ness Monster and Sasquach. I mean, c'mon the aliens told him how to make it so it's gotta be real.

I've done some crazy moves in the forklift at my old work. Gotta move fast when your on a deadline, and I only crashed twice in three years. It was a narrow aisle electric stand-up lift and it hauled ass when the forks were down. The gas forklift we had was too slow to have fun on, and the fork at my current work…

Also known as "The Flying Fuck" according to certain grandmas.

No. No. No. This is not ok. The Corkscrew should never be defiled with ugly modern architecture. Just because it's close to Pebble Beach and Carmel by the Sea (the "by the sea" part is stupidly presumptuous) doesn't mean it needs a champagne and caviar center for all the hoity-toitys to look down their noses at us…

They have been riding these into battle for years

Snow Plow.