I checked out the rule book and the 23-year “no spoilers on the internet” period has expired.

No easy task with four thumbless hooves.

Here is what you do. 1. Imagine you have a college-age daughter. 2. Imagine a virtual stranger shoves your daughter’s toothbrush “where the sun don’t shine.” 3. Imagine yourself telling your daughter to “Lighten Up, Francis.” 4. Punch yourself repeatedly until you pass out.

If he was her boyfriend they could be chillin’ by the fire - WHY WE EATIN’ FONDUE?

1. I have a pretty okay grasp on world geography (thanks Mr. Johnson!) 2. You do realize the hamburger (note the small “h”) sandwich was almost certainly invented in America right?

Oh, I see. You HATE America. And you think I’m fat.

If you were a good and faithful American, you’d slather a cup and a half of mayo on each bun to prevent them from soaking up the burger juice.

Try Hardee’s, then.

Obviously he’s thatoneguy who has seen the movie.

20 as of this writing. Perhaps those 20 people realized that it was a joke?

Revise your opinion about the Goonies and maybe I’ll throw a little something your way.

Sizzling! That being said, Winona Ryder was pretty bad. But then again, 12-year-old me says “So what - Lydia Deetz.”

Watch it or don’t. Nobody cares about you.

It’s like you introduced your root beer to a cup of tea and they made sweet love and had a beautiful, tasty baby. And called it Horehound. It is marvelous.

sharks a saltwater species

When Ed explains that a guy trying to pull off a showy bike trick getting hit in the nuts is funny and Bortus straight-facedly says “I agree!” ...

Hillary Swank to Jennifer Garner in one smooth move.

JFC. Where do you people come from?

Well that’s completely relevant to a conversation 170-something years later.

Just because some dirty hippies smell like patchouli doesn’t mean patchouli smells like dirty hippies. I’m sure whatever scent you wear doesn’t smell like douche.