Make sure the band is a quartet for ultimate irony.

Was it funny then?

That is a quality motor. I would drive it proudly.

embodiment of the phrase, “Lady, suck a lemon and unpucker your mouth.”

Mishandled on all sides except the delivery driver who asked for payment and got pinned to the refrigerator by his or her neck. And the police who responded to a complaint and got verbally and physically threatened. So, yeah - mishandled by the old guy who stole food and tried to beat people up.

I have. You’re right that I didn’t take children with disabilities into consideration when I made that blanket statement.

It’s not about food. It’s about testing boundaries. It’s okay for a kid to go hungry for a day. If they pitch a shit fit and you give in an hour later and give them mac and cheese, they’ve won and you’ve lost.

Kids are only picky eaters if you let them be.

That’s more of a Shelbyville idea.

by Albert Burneko

Did she read back over this fifth-grade, ABCB bullshit and go, “Gotta drop these quatrains while they’re hot! You’re welcome, dad?”

I don’t think you know what that word means. (Hint: NOT Kid Rock)

Really? Not even slightly true? You’re telling me that you can’t use a person’s behavior in the past as a predictor of future behavior?

Ocean and I were set up on a blind date once. Everything was going great until I ordered tabouli and didn’t ask for the gluten-free bulghur alternative. She refused to speak directly to me or look me in the eye for the rest of the night.

Ask him. He’ll probably say “moo,” which means “I’d rather not be consumed at all, thank you very much. And if you could give me my testes back I’d appreciate it.”

Fine. If the husband had spent all that time making your ungodly pasta sauce that you propose, then I’m sure she wouldn’t have cried.

chili, sugar, salt, garlic, distilled vinegar, potassium sorbate, sodium bisulfite and xanthan gum

Sriracha is perfectly fine where it belongs: on a bánh mì. Hell, I wouldn’t yell at you if you put it on some Olive Garden pasta. It does not belong on lovingly hand crafted Italian food.

How about no?

By the person whose job it is to cook it.