Why can’t you see that these kids are a national security risk, just like those idle coal plants?!!

WILL IT STILL HAVE THAT NEW CAR SMELL

“Fuck Hunter Strickland.”

*Tearfully presses button*: +7

We all die alone.

I love the Sarama music that plays during Muy Thai bouts.

Pictured, Matt Hoffman:

Pictured, really fully realized:

He retired in January.

What does this have to do with competitive eating?

Coincidentally, that’s what my wife says on laundry day.

I also can’t go on record saying my boss is fun. I will however, go on record to say he is a colossal dickhead.

Talk to me Goose.

I’m guessing a corporation that starts with the letter “A”.

Speaking of, where did the Onion go from the banner at the top of the page?

The Onion was made obsolete by the surreal nightmare we’re living in.

So they’re doing it for the nookie?

It’ll resemble this:

Looks like another Hogan’s gonna be responsible for Jalopnik’s demise.

“Listen, I’m full of garbage takes and people liking me was never going to last long.”