USC has self-imposed anal cancer in hopes that the Make-A-Wish Foundation can get Pete Carroll back for a few years...

Vin Scully will outlive us all...

Rent would still be cheaper than San Fran...

Does Pulitzer have a Worthless Blog category?

I haven’t seen a ball misjudged that bad since Lance Armstrong...

By cheating.

Tim Tebow is available and knows the Patriots’ offensive pla-- <struck by thunder bolt>

I wish I could suspend you without pay...

Headline: “ASSHOLE HIT BY RUTGERS COACH” because no one likes cyclists...

Why is Obama responsible for everything black people do again?

Neither does Amanda Bynes...

“Kevin Johnson is a first-rate asshole.” - me, prior to reading this post

Sherman has previously gone on record with the uninformed trope of “All Lives Matter.”

There’s always 1 one-upper in every comment’s section...

I feel like this is proof I am the most boring person alive...

Die in a fire...

I literally want to climb inside the middle one like a dead Tauntaun...

There’s probably a joke there about me NOT saying that to my dick... AHAHHAHAHAAHAHHA--

“Never meth with a Thithillian when death ith on the line!!! AHAHHAHAHAAHAHHA AHAHAHHAHAHA--”

This feels weird to admit but I would have sex with everyone in this photo STARTING with the mascot...