The only thing Trump can dodge is the draft.

If he can dodge a wrench, he can... Well l forget the rest of the quote but can somebody please sling a wrench at him?

Yeah, Jason is really well known for doggedly calling attention to human rights abuses like that. That’s what made Friday the 13th such a shitty horror movie.

Do these cookies have nuts? Asking for an intolerant friend.

Holy fuck, so we’ve won on every other gender equity issue and now we can focus on making cookies nonbinary? That’s fantas... Wait, what? No? This is another made-up bullshit complaint from the same people who brought us the Starbucks to-go cup wars?

Gravy is an aphrodisiac. 

They could’ve just traded for Garth Brooks and gotten Chris Gaines too in a package deal. 

You can get CTE from watching football, now?!?!?! 

He’s all thumbs!

My takeaway from this blog is that people call you “Bert”.

Lewis Black would be a fine color commentator.

Because he dr shopped until he got one that told him what he wanted to hear.

Ask local non-orthodontic dentists for referrals. They know what quality work looks like; your coworkers and family don’t.

Yeah, maybe something truly horrid is coming down the pipe, like maybe he covered up for a serial domestic abuser for ten solid years.

A congenital cyst of the brain sounds serious, I’m amazed he could coach successfully as long as he did. Although Jim Harbaugh is going strong, too, and he’s had an inflamed asshole for years now.

He actually resigned several weeks ago, but he didn’t think he had to report it to the school.

There’s actually another, even more craven meaningless game on Saturday. Iowa State, which had a game cancelled due to lightning at the beginning of the year, will play Drake University, an in-state “rival” that does not give athletic scholarships for football.

Coach Reid is too busy reading menus.

Cowards.