Ugh, Riley is going to be so full of herself now at preschool.

Golfing

Oh, thank the gods I just ate lunch or this would’ve sent me scurrying off to Popeyes and therefore out $15...

whatever. She still won the popular slope.

Picture of said teens. Apparently they were looking for a g-g-g-g-ghost.

“How can I be obstructing justice if I keep firing all the people investigating me? If there’s no one to investigate, what justice could I possibly be obstructing? That logic is pure covfefe.” 

When you have a few bad apples, you throw them out plus the ones they spoiled. When you keep finding bad apples, it’s not the apples. It’s the barrel.

As a black person, nothing eases my worries like a restaurant that informs me upfront that they’re 100% not racist. It’s like a first date reassuring me that, just because he hasn’t dated a black girl before doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to.

I can see it now, Merkel will go up to Trump and extend her hand to grab him by the balls, ‘cause when you are famous, you can do that’

I’d like it when presidential handshakes are not a matter of national scrutiny and embarrassment.

Oh please. Grey makes everyone look older, so all they have to do is dye her hair blonde and she’s good to go. She looks like an attractive, 60 year old woman and it would be great to see her again. She actually reminds of an older version of Lena Headey.

Top Gun II: Bottom Gun

“What do I give him to eat? Well, he mostly just grabs whatever he wants.”

Tee Hee:

Mike, obviously.

I think the presidency is distracting him.

Pesttuce? Lesto?

Where do we stand on calling them the Zards?