First thing you should do is learn how to replace a headlight. Second thing you should do is learn about preventative maintenance. The third thing you should do is learn journalism.

For real

A Morning Shift finally hit 5/5 wrong takes, congrats all around!

“A restaurant uses ingredients”

How many Mexican restaurants have you been to?

The lenders are also offering Hertz an upgrade towards 1% off future loans for just $20 million extra, but only if they sign up now. Not interested? How about $10 million to upgrade to our Premium Midsize Luxury Medium Standard class of loans, which offer more lenient Debt-to-Equity covenants and a bimonthly borrowing…

Mercedes plant in Aguascalientes...

Have a “shrinking” problem? Then talk to your doctor to see if Stellantis® is right for you.

Sad to see a once great automaker shoot itself in the foot by cheapening product to chase volume. I was interning at the Toyota North America headquarters in 2015, when Ghosn’s plan to cheapen product and chase volume with subprime financing was in full swing.

Geriatriq.

I try to keep a few on deck so when people start a conversation in the elevator, I let out a long, cheeky fart.

My only question is this: how does this new layout help Deadspin stick to sports?

Only if they can actually get the comments to load on mobile and it doesn’t just hang forever trying to load all the ads.

please dear god no. 

Is this new layout going to be a regular thing?

Sorry, let me rephrase: go eat a bag of dicks, you hungry, hungry dick hippo.

Anyone who says “I bet you’re a blast at parties” is just telling everyone else they are intellectually bankrupt.

EMINENT BROMAIN!

Chancellor Merkel should offer Solidarity (pun intended) and donate some VWs to Poland. After all, they can go from Berlin to Warsaw in One Tank.

A year from now, the coronavirus is going to have wiped out 10% of the owners of Corvettes.