My stars! He’s not an adorable little antebellum dandy throwback? And instead a craven little shitweasel? I think I’ve got the vapors!

Mrs. Funk will be there, and we’ve already explained to the three little Funklets why it’s so important for mommy to go away later this month. She’s doing this for them, more than anything, because if we don’t start setting a better example for future generations we’re more doomed than we already are.

Those people sincerely do not give a shit about someone using the words “n****r” or “c*nt” because they use those words themselves quite regularly.

that’s immediately what my mind went to too.

I’ve been getting some mileage out of this:

since he cant sell burgers at his restaurant and can’t sell his steaks at sharper image, he has to take his beef to twitter.

that ripped t-shirt tho.

The most memorable thing about my abortion is that I had Applebee’s afterwards.

If it’s by the pound, then not really.

sigh. this is so depressing.

Let’s not forget that Ivanka vacationed with Putin’s paramour Wendi Deng in August.

A little O/T but I think I’ve found a way to survive the next four years, by combining our two favorite topics: kittens and politics. Because I can’t look at that bloated, orange fascist for one moment longer.

I’m a simple guy, I don’t ask for much. I tend to vote for people who can string at least 3 coherent sentences together in a row. I’m going to miss this man a lot.

The Onion is screwed.

Note: if one does not meet all of these criteria, consider giving large sums of money to Trump’s “charitable” foundation.

In case anyone out there was confused about how the voting/enfranchisement system was rigged, here it is. Jill Stein filed for a recount. She paid the required fees. And now, suddenly, she is not “aggrieved” enough to demand a recount. Any registered voter should be entitled to demand a recount if they can pay the…

I’m sure it is about her career. It was one thing to feud with a fringe candidate no one was taking seriously, espically so when she herself became part of the news, but now that this fringe candidate somehow got elected to POTUS, she needs access.

I’ll have you know that this stuff works quite well. Just the other day my supervisor was explaining that... well, she was saying something about numbers or whatever. I flailed my arms wildly and frantically screamed “WHERE DO YOU COME FROM!? WHERE DO YOU COME FROM!?” in her face. I am now CEO.

JEZEBEL.