My cat jumped on my laptop After I ordered groceries for the week that I was going to pick up. She apparently doubled my order with her butt.

My job only exists because someone decided to make policies so complicated they need a designated person there just to decipher what it all means. There are times when I can’t figure it out and I email the people that made the rules... sometimes they don’t even know. I’d say 80% is being quite generous. 

I always tried to follow the rules as a kid, so I never broke the rule about not interrupting adults while they’re talking. One time I anxiously waited like 10 minutes giving anxious faces to my mom so she realized I had something to say. She and her friend even complemented me on my patience. So finally I got to tell…

When my mom was visibly pregnant with me, my dad brought her to a restaurant. She got nauseous, and there was a huge line to the ladies room— so she ran in the men’s room and Threw up. The restaurant manager ran in there screaming at her while she was still on her knees on the floor barfing- he told her that she…

Free pizza is how I got my first Credit Card. It actually ended up being a pretty good one which I still use—- but I’m just happy I was such a frugal college student rarely used the card. 

We had a tornado emergency in elementary school and as a little girl I was thrilled to sit on the floor of the boys bathroom—- because I was fucking scared, the bathroom seemed safer than the hallway, and no one worrying about that crap. No one did get hurt, although a house next to the school got demolished. This…

I don’t like soggy nasty cookies, and I don’t like crummy contaminated milk. Of course I’m also the type of person who had to inhale their cereal immediately to avoid sogginess, and I dump the leftover milk down the drain, so I’m pretty consistent in my preferences. 

I’d say cats have known this for ages... but one of my cat babies has recently been very derpy. She constantly runs headfirst into walls while excited, will lose her toys when they’re right in front of her and give up, and yesterday she was trying to lick her nose and shake her head at the same time—- her tongue just…

What if there was compulsory voting, but on the ballot itself there was an option to vote for no one. In the end that would still result in way more votes, but give people freedom of choice as well.

I used to work at Walmart—- Even though mine was one of the better stores and I didn’t personally have many issues as a part time college student there were still issues. Almost all full time associates besides managers were put on part time work—- so pretty much everyone lost insurance benefits. People were having…

I am so frustrated with Facebook right now. I only have an account because a final fantasy mobile game It only allows file backup if you sync to Facebook. I have never posted and refuse to give them my picture. Yesterday it forced me to relog into Facebook and the site won’t let me log in unless I send them a drivers…

Standing for the pledge I always thought of as a cult like activity. Not to mention little kids who don’t understand what a pledge is, let alone what they’re pledging, are forced to do it. True love of one’s country goes beyond something creepy like that.

Oh god... I want pizza so bad. 

This isn’t new. I live in Texas and every time I logged in this summer I got a warning because it was too hot outside—- but that I should use caution with the extreme weather.  Of course I was usually sitting in the shade eating lunch at my work so it was a non issue.

If you are a renter you might possibly have coverage for your personal property depending on your contract. The required insurance your land lord tries to foist on you might not, but if you set up your own with property coverage you might be safe if flood wasn’t excluded. (I know my insurance only writes renters…

I used to hide in the middle of clothes racks with my brother. Little old ladies would go look at the clearance rack and when they moved the clothes we would just be there staring at her.

I live in Texas and was a teacher assistant for a few years. I had to sub a 5th grade class for a few hours and when we got to their history lesson I asked them about the Alamo since they had just taken a field trip there the week before. Not a single child in the class knew who won that battle, they all assumed “we”…

For people who don’t understand why women don’t go to the police with this stuff my mother is the perfect example. Her husband abused her for years—- the police would come and she’d be upset and scared to her life while her husband was cool and would start making friends with the police officers—- laughing and…

I was expecting the #1 cause to be exploding stomach?
Is that not a thing?... Becuase I feel like my stomach is going to explode from pizza right now.

I grew up in a household with adults who claimed to be centrists. Of course their version of centrist was religious right with the understanding that most politicians are evil monsters and the end times are coming so it doesn’t matter.