Hold your horses! I don't even want to know what sort of year 3000 technology you used to come up with that one.

Goodbye password123 and hello password321.

It's been quite a while since I ate at Burger King, but their employees pulled a pretty good prank on me by serving products that tasted like ass. Good one, guys!

Meanwhile in the US, the names "Ray" and "Floyd" are poised to take a beating.

I'm not exactly sure. Waiting on a return call from legal wunderkind Michael Diamondstein.

"What's this I hear about the Hawks and a little African?" - Spud Webb

The "issue" is probably his rage problem. His one-time rage problem with domestic violence. The outlier that knocked his lady unconscious. Got to make sure that anomaly is all squared away before playing in the NFL again.

The truest contritions are always couched in disclaimers like "to my knowledge," and "I don't rule that out." I have zero sympathy for this asshat, but if he wasn't drinking heavily before this, he certainly is now.

"This guy in the houndstooth jacket seems like someone we can trust." - No One Ever

I'm pretty sure you can save this story for 10-15 years, replace "Leaf" with "Manziel," and recycle it without changing anything else. Additionally, the same comments will apply.

We're working from our joint joke book tonight.

Plaintiff did not want to see Defendant JERRY JONES receive oral sex from the female.

Officer Skeptical looks reader to pepper spray that dude.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought it was the NBA Hawks who were trying to get the blackout.

Everyone wondered if that receipt had been photoshopped, but it seems like the real McCoy now.

Sandra Bullock is back as a pistol waiving wife in "The Blind Side II: How They Attacked the Coach."

The folks at Red Barron are all like "and THIS is why we don't have a Twitter account, young people who work for us."

That's solid gold right there.

My wife's birthday is coming up, Shep. Please keep your eyes peeled for a Salad Shooter.

I Can't Believe It's A Law Firm!