Okay, the detail about her calling her TV mom to help, coupled with knowing how her biological parents treated her. I'm sobbing. May she (and her dog!) find all the peace and love in the world.

Well clearly if you don't eat fucking chicken then there is no need for you to know how to roast one.

Those shriveled, overcooked, salty as hell 'rotisserie chickens' from the grocery. Nothing is more delicious than a freshly roasted chicken, dripping with juices and seasoned with peppers, garlic, and herbs. I crock pot mine but that totally counts, right?

Killing, eating and using their fur and other parts of the seals as the indigenous peoples of Canada have been doing for eons.

Okay but can we talk about Snape's chest hair?

"The second I decided to be successful I just was. You must not want to be successful." —Old White Male

I know how to roast a chicken. It's not particularly difficult, though you can fuck it up. HOWEVER, why would I go to the trouble of buying a chicken (which costs at least $12), prepping it, cooking it, when I can buy a $5 rotisserie chicken for literally zero effort?

Right?? THE ADVERBS! Another article on the topic contains these gems:

Buffy made me laugh.

I'm not going to sit here and gush about her album, because 1. I haven't listened to the whole thing and 2. The few songs I've heard just aren't my jam, sorry, but she gets mad points from me for scrolling the names of over 1,000 missing and murdered Canadian Aboriginal women behind her during her performance. Our…

Nooooooooo!

The thing that makes me think this is maybe not a hoax is the author's ability to identify sexual tension where no other human being would be able to see it. Why is Hermione Granger suddenly a porno character?

"shouldn't not"

I feel like she doesn't really understand adverbs. Asking your daughter to show a new kid around school is suddenly wise? Picking up the dishes so your daughter can do the task you just asked of her is indulgent? She is shouting her gratitude? Pointing out the dormitory on a tour is suddenly kind? None of these…

Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays.

THIS IS AMAZE!! I love it so much. But Hermione being Dumbledore and McGonagall's daughter doesn't make a ton of sense to me—were I writing such a parody, she'd be the daughter of well-meaning but ignorant atheists who are still going to hell despite being good people.

Early in the first book there's the scene where they go to the Wizard bank to see that it's being run by short, greedy, ugly goblins with comically exaggerated noses.

'Why not make some slight changes so these books are family friendly?'

TLDR: Christians, convinced that the universe revolves around them since 313 CE.