ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY!!!

Whoa whoa whoa there buddy. One drink?!? Maybe if you're an Olsen twin.

I would say to change the locks, but then I'd imagine that you'd find out the lids are being stolen... FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!

Yeah, he actually played in a superbowl. It's amusing how many people thought he just disappeared once the XFL went away.

That may be the case, but it's not what is happening in this article. (And I quote: You just gotta stop at trying to make other people live their lives that way, ya dig?)

It's a weird line, but I sort of see the point that this article (and Jezebel as a whole) tries to make with that.

Then again, I'm not paying 99 bucks a year for my partner.

I mean, I probably should. That really sounds like a much better deal than what either my partner or myself have to offer.

Massive suspension but actually quite nimble: Check
Only about six inches longer than a Jetta: Check
Requires actual gymnastics for entry: Check
Can go "around traffic": Check
Feels like you're being fondled by a big fuzzy giant: Check
Starts at $99,000: Boy do I have a deal for you...

If you're gonna embelish the crap out of the thing, you have to at least hit the correct notes when you play it straight.

That was a surprisingly awful movie, even if it was inspired by a true story.

"tremelos and vibratos and shit"

At one point in time that joke was funny. Then we all realized that those poor people were serious. Now, it's similar to the one time that the special needs kid jumped the fence at the alligator farm because he thought they all just needed hugs.

Yeah, I got about half way through before I got tired of it. The Onion has many great things, but this was not one of them.

You're kidding me? Once I started separating the lids from the containers my life because SO SO much better.

Just out of morbid curiosity... could someone who is better at cartography-like things than I am put together all of these on a map for the sake of planning an awesome road trip?

Well, it's a sphere-like object. So, no.

I prefer this one.

This is what I don't get. It's statistics, stop.

Anybody that thinks that the medical industry circa the 1960's is even remotely close to what it is today... simply doesn't have a clue.

Q: Is there a stop-gap?