Who else saw this commercial live and waited for this article to pop up?

On the plus side, the bleeding eye makes him look sort of badass despite his humiliation.

My 8 year old was crying buckets of tears over the Ellsbury news and says, "Daddy, now do I have to root for the Yankees? Jacoby Ellsbury was my favorite player." Ten minutes later he concocted a plan which made his Daddy proud: "Daddy, we are going to root for Jacoby to get 3 hits, 3 stolen bases and catch every ball…

When I was playing and this happened, I seriously thought John Marston with dead eye was going to kill 'em all, then shit happens and my soul is crushed!

Medic: Wojciech, are you ok???

"Horrifying diarrhea sludge" could refer to any number of Albert Burneko's food columns.

They are really going to get upset when they read your upcoming post about how the phrase "Cincinnati skyline chili slander" can be re-arranged to spell "Proctor and Gamble is run by satanists".