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Show us the feet sweetie.

That man is absolutely not your friend and you have no obligation to be nice, to communicate with him, to make eye contact with him, see him ever again, nothing at all. Block his number and warn your other friends.

Probably spends more time on a toilet shitting out burned steak.

I’d tell you what I’d be moving up from the store brand mustard.

It was pretty clear Kara was referencing throwing shade, not behaving nicely.

What’s really weird about that is that he doesn’t even need it; there’s at least three inches of the narrow half sticking through the loop. What’s even weirder is that he doesn’t know how to roll the tape inside out so he could stick it to the back of the narrow part instead if he simply must use tape.

Special Projects desk is on the job.

Can confirm. Also A+ use of the Chappelle there.

These would be perfect if I allowed my sub to wear anything.

“Murder, He tweeted”

+1 sunk cost fallacy

the only thing i care about in football is when the winning team lines up to gently kiss the tip of the president’s penis and receive a championship muffin

Chris...don’t you make me like you.

I knew driver training in Germany was really, really good.

I was buying Nissan and Stanley stainless vacuum bottles 25 years ago so I was pretty mystified by the sudden demand for Yeti.

When Yeti coolers first came out we had a guy show up with one at the fly shop and touting its benefits. A guy that worked accounting at Fedex figured that if the guy used it 2 days and 1 bag

I was buying Nissan and Stanley stainless vacuum bottles 25 years ago so I was pretty mystified by the sudden demand

Being forced to watch the White House orientation video must have been tough for him, since it doesn’t mention him. The part about sexual harassment in the workplace must have been uncomfortable.

do you need a safe space, snowflake?

I love his assertion that her being a great person(citation needed) has any bearing on Nordstrom carrying her line. They cut it because it didnt sell, and Nordstrom is a business, it wouldnt matter if it was Mother Teresas line.